thoughts on a snowy evening

Recently I have been struck by one of K's favorite quotes from J.R. Tolkein: "All that glitters is not gold; not all that wander are lost." Watching television tonight, I was appalled at the thin actresses who cry after putting on a fat suit (they wanted to "empathize" with those who are overweight). And this is what entertains America? I browsed through the New Yorker and read an editorial/article asking what kind of values are Americans setting up for themeselves? Menand has an interesting point in that

"We are ourselves products of the culture whose products we consume, and we can't help taking it, for the most part, on its own terms."

The social constructs which we create are immensely powerful. Menand referred to literary prizes as valuable only in the recognition that society bestows upon the award. K just wrote about the consumerism craziness that overtakes all good sense during the holiday season. Tolkein may be right in that some who wander are not lost, but right now, society is a bit lost.

The Economist has a thought-provoking article on the differences between the poor in Appalachia and those in the Congo. What is happiness and what is not happiness is a matter of opinion. Yet if happiness is universal, then is it merely the emotion that is shared? Happiness economists would suggest that the level of one's happiness is relative to the level of material goods of others around one's self. Moreover, when "an individual who becomes richer becomes happier; but when society as a whole grows richer, nobody seems any more content (7 Aug 2005, The Economist).

Perhaps the American dream fits both sides. Its retains the flavor that a better life is just over the horizon but that this "good life" is attainable. F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote in Majesty (short story):

The extraordinary thing is not that people in a lifetime turn out worse or better than we had prophesied; particularly in America that is to be expected. The extraordinary thing is how people keep their levels, fulfill their promises, seem actually buoyed up by an inevitable destiny.

It may be that a new year is approaching or that I realize that the year will bring many changes to my life. I have not been this content for a long while. A good friend of mine once said that when you're not looking for it, what you want will happen. Now I've paraphrased this generously and it was originally referrring to relationships, but I think he's right (as he often is).

Happy New Year's.

so this is Christmas

It's easy to say that Christmas (for those who celebrate it) is over-commercialized. Each year, K and I venture into the four shopping malls that permeate our lives in the hope of bestowing some measure of happiness to those on the receiving end. We practically learned how to drive years ago when we would do our December shopping on the weekends. Then, as now, I find the process overwhelming. No one seems happy when they shop at these times of year since no one either has the time or can find the perfect gift. I mean, is the special edition of Office Space or boxed set of eight different fragrances from Victoria's Secret going to change the life of the average middle class American?

I like to think that, in the vein of Charlie Brown, that it is the spirit of Christmas that counts. Certainly, there are moments on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day when I believe this to be true. Glancing at the parking lot of Target is not one of them.

For many, Christmas is a huge expense. In 2004, sales grew by 6.7 percent. This year, according to the Washington Post,

The NRF has been among the most bullish, forecasting sales growth of 6
percent, to $439.53 billion. Other groups, like the International Council of
Shopping Centers, expect a more modest increase of 3 percent to 3.5
percent.

[To put it into perspective, the The International AIDS Vaccines Initiative estimates that the total annual spending on an AIDS vaccine is $682 million.]

Maybe it's good that Christmas comes but once per year.

Life as we know it

Life is changing a bit too quickly these days. Coming back from San Francisco, I had a layover in Vegas and tried my first slot machines. For $3, I could occupy my 20 minutes before boarding a plane. Apparently, slot machines are made for right-handed people and take less skill (but about as much luck) as I anticipated. Also, the lights and pyramids and glitter of the hotel-casino complexes are astounding from an airplane.

Perhaps more importantly, while hovering over Vegas, I realized that I probably won't be in the Midwest next year. I'm looking at six cities, only one of them being in the Midwest. Tis a bit scary, to be flying around the country and never having the chance to explore a city in which I may be living next year.

San Francisco reminds me of Cape Town for some reason.

High society

The fact that I'm back from Philly means that I'm over halfway done with my tour of the major US cities and also not any closer to a decision. However, I will say that I have started to have a clearer picture as to what I want and need for the future.

The highlight of this trip was of course, the New York Philharmonic, featuring the pianist Andre Watts. What I love about music was exemplified in the technical splendor of Watts on Saint Saens or the divine, exposed lonely notes in "Prelude and Liebestod from Tristan and Isolde."

Alerted by the AJOB blog to an opinion article on HIV testing in the New England Journal of Medicine. The World Health Organization lists voluntary counseling and HIV testing (VCT) as a “crucial entry point into the care and treatment programmes” (WHO 2001). VCT is considered an integral part of HIV prevention or treatment program, as it “enables uninfected people to remain so and enable those infected with HIV to plan for the future and prevent HIV transmission to others” (ibid).

The argument in the NEJM article is whether the HIV/AIDS epidemic should be treated as a viral epidemic, subject to the control of standard public health measures, or as a social disease, one in which the social mores and dangers of stigmatism of the individual are of primary concern. Certainly, it would be easier, and perhaps more cost-effective, to monitor the disease in the US with standard notification of partners and track progression of the disease epidemiologically:

"Using the current CDC estimate of 40,000 new HIV infections per year, the potential to prevent half to two thirds of these infections, and the current average lifetime cost of care for a patient with HIV infection of $200,000,²⁹ more effective epidemic control would save between $4 billion and $5.4 billion per year. Widespread availability of condoms, syringe-exchange programs, public health notification of the partners of infected persons, and improvement of case management and monitoring systems would be unlikely to cost more than an additional $1 billion to $2 billion per year nationally — two to three times the current CDC funding for HIV prevention."

The authors argue that in an age of openness and multiple anti-retroviral drugs, that it's a travesty that 2/3 of those with newly identified HIV-positive serostatuses do not inform their partners. I agree with that assessment. However, the problem of partner notification is the question whether proclaiming one's status is considered as socially acceptable as the researchers. If it is socially acceptable, then HIV testing and prevention methods (condom distribution, decrease in number of partners, careful monitoring of existing viral load) is working. In that case, HIV might well be managed as a chronic disease. However, if it is not, then the stigma attached to HIV (and even to STI's in general)

The downside is that routine notification of partners may have an adverse effect on the utilization of health care services. Could knowing that one's partner would be notified translate into a lack of willingness to access health services?

Tradition

David Cameron, age 39, has been been given a mandate by the Conservative Party in Britain to lead them back to Downing Street. Having the "energy of youth" and the willingness to talk about the issues (such as the environment) that the Tories previously have avoided is a huge start. Interestingly, he appears more open to Blair's social policies, just as Blair embraced some of Margaret Thatcher's economic policies.

Commentators have been bringing up Cameron's sudden rise to the party's leadership forefront. It will be worthwhile to see how Cameron talks about family values and his position on national security in the coming months. Bill Clinton lead the Democratic Party to victory in the 1990s after promising to inspire greater trust in the government and moving the party to a center position on the ideological spectrum. Tony Blair captured the swing voters in 1997 and brought his party to a "New Labour" stance.

How will a strong Tory leader affect British politics and the "Special Alliance" between the United States and Great Britain? Much of that answer will lie in Cameron, but it will also lie in the future of the Republican Party. Cameron has opportunities on the basis that he is a new leader with a vision of Britain that is unlike that of his predecessor, Michael Howard. Cameron is more willing to work with the current system than to change it completely and does not appear to endorse the reactionary responses seemingly favored by Howard. The 2004 election became more centered on the presidential candidates than the platforms themselves. Who will be the face of the Republican Party after Bush? Who will become the face of the Labour party after Blair? With the parliamentary system in Britain, the governmental party has greater influence over policy than what occurs in the United States. Therefore, the process will be important for the future as well as which leaders the British goverment will be contacting.

Separation

From Arundhati Roy's "The God of Small Things" (p.214-215)

"Promise me you'll always love each other," she'd [the mother Ammu]
say, as she drew her children to her.

"Promise," Estha and Rahel would say. Not finding words with which to tell her that for them there was no Each, no Other.

Sleepless in Sudan

My roommate alerted me to this great blog. Certainly, fans of Kristof's NY Times articles will find it worthwhile.

World AIDS Day

I haven't posted anything on World AIDS Day yet. One year ago was my last day at the Motherwell clinic and to this day, I'm torn over whether the battle against HIV/AIDS is one of hope or one of promises yet unmet. It's tough to see that the rash of articles this year focuses on the failure of goals to be met and the rising tolls of infection and death, even in the wake of the G8 summit this past summer. The 3 x 5 goal will not be met. The goal was to place 3 million on antiretroviral therapy by the end of 2005, but less than 1/3 of that goal will be met. That the new G8 goals is to place all infected individuals on ARVs by the year 2010 thus seems optimistic to the point of being overly naive.

In a BBC articlet:

South African Health Minister Manto Tshabalala-Msimang, who has long been lukewarm over the usefulness of anti-retroviral drugs, refused to back their use.

Many African countries encourage abstinence to avoid infection

In an interview, she said that anti-retrovirals offered no cure, and that she might use food supplements or traditional medicines if she became infected.

One asks (or at least, I ask myself this all-too-frequently), what can be done? On a policy level, certainly dialogue and discourse between the UN, nations, those who implement such policies, and those who receive the benefits/drawbacks of such policies must be examined.

What is perhaps equally important (and just as naively understood) is the active support of the wider first-world community. Kar just wrote about generosity of individuals. However, the wider generosity of individuals (Gates Foundation) vs. nations (US PEPFAR) must play a role as well. The movie "The Girl in the Cafe" was actually commissioned to "celebrate Africa in 2005." It's actually written by Richard Curtis, the same person who did Love Actually, so fans of that movie might celebrate.

Behavior change comes at the level of the individual, but the motivations to push initiatives forward have to come from a larger audience more than once a year.

Generosity

Richard Schulze has given Mayo Clinic an impressive $48.9 million for a cancer treatment, both on the patient and therapy development.

I'm amazed at the generosity at these large donors. Yet I also wonder, who are these people who have such wealth that they are able to afford such a donation. The average American with a bachelor's degree will earn an average of $2.1 million over his or her respective lifetime. Those with a professional degree will earn an average of $4.4 million in lifetime earnings. An average high school graduate earns a paltry $1.2 million in a lifetime today.

A song from the first Shrek soundtrack also comes to mind. The song "Stay Home," speaks about the desire for a simple life and being happy.

" A simple life's my cup of tea
I don't need nobody but me...

...I wanna be a millionaire someday
And know what it feels like to give it away
Watch me march to the beat of my own drum"

It is interesting to think about what the pursuit of material goods and wealth may ultimately bring. The opportunity for a better life of one's children and fewer worries of financial hardships are legitimate reasons for wanting a career with a comfortable income.

Andrew Carnegie once said, "The man who dies rich, dies disgraced." This quotation may be an exaggeration, but it certainly speaks to the idea of accumulated wealth. In 1994, money accounted for a greater proportion of total giving by Americans than Scandinavia, France, or Britain. The article (linked above) suggests that this trend is influenced by tax breaks and other incentives, not found in other countries.

Though this post has become more jumbled than originally intended, I conclude with a few points to ponder:
1. Who is in a position to give?
2. Is it just as valuable to give time as money?
3. How will this rising feeling of philanthropy influence giving within first world and to third world nations?

soaring through the air

It's been a long time since I actually posted. So much has happened that I probably cannot relate everything. As with any senior, the word "future" is like the light at the end of the tunnel. Madison was Madison. Dallas was... well... Texas. DC was incredible. That's a city where I could see myself. Minneapolis was the same as usual. Centuria was as I remembered, though I only saw part of it. Woodbury has become a giant shopping mall. Easton junior. Another Starbucks. Incredible. Disgusting.

Next year I'll be in Galway. Ireland. It will be good for a change. A chance to figure stuff out for another year. Studying, research, travel. I haven't had be I aenough time to process everything but I realize that sometimes I don't want all of the immmediate answers. I'm still idealistic enough that I think I have years to figure things out.

People-watching can be romantic or depressing. Imagining where each family or businessman is traveling. France. Florida. A long-lost cousin. Until you sit by the balding, middle-aged safari guy who carries the camouflage duffel. Headed to Chicago. Wearing a leopard skin jacket.

I am amazed by some of the people that I have met in the last few years. Some people are outstanding and brilliant. Others have taught me a lot. Some aren't as smart as others while others have more hidden talents.

Happy belated Thanksgiving to everyone.

quote of the week

On the Bush administration:

"I had to do something about that anger and I could immerse myself in Scrabble rather than start a revolution."

On Calvin and Hobbes:
His main quality, other than imagination, is enthusiasm. Calvin, as befits his name, is a carefree fatalist.

I'm less of a loser than my sister.

You scored as Popular Bitch.


What type of girl are you?!!
created with QuizFarm.com

Popular Bitch 63%
Nerdy Girl 50%
Preppy Girl 50%
Athletic Tomboy 44%
Hippie 19%
Slut 19%
Loser 13%
Goth 13%

Short skirts in lab and chemistry all around.

Truly an example of how surveys are wrong

You scored as Popular Bitch. Popular Bitch 50% Hippy 44% Athletic Tomboy 44% Nerdy Girl 44% Loser 38% Slut 31% Preppy Girl 25% Goth 19% What type of girl are you?!! created with QuizFarm.com

Action hero

You scored as James Bond, Agent 007.

James Bond is MI6's best agent, a suave, sophisticated super spy with charm, cunning, and a license's to kill. He doesn't care about rules or regulations and somewhat amoral. He does care about saving humanity though, as well as the beautiful women who fill his world. Bond has expensive tastes, a wide knowledge of many subjects, and his usually armed with a clever gadget and an appropriate one-liner.

James Bond, Agent 007 83%

The Amazing Spider-Man 71%
Maximus 67%
Captain Jack Sparrow 58%
Indiana Jones 58%
Lara Croft 58%
Neo, the "One" 54%
El Zorro 50%
Batman, the Dark Knight 42%
The Terminator 42%
William Wallace 33%

And so it is. Fortunately, I'm the charmer with a bit of a nerdy streak in me and am ready to save the world. Just in time for a martini- shaken not stirred.

p-chem test break

You scored as James Bond, Agent 007.


Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0
created with QuizFarm.com

James Bond is MI6's best agent, a suave, sophisticated super spy with charm, cunning, and a license's to kill. He doesn't care about rules or regulations and somewhat amoral. He does care about saving humanity though, as well as the beautiful women who fill his world. Bond has expensive tastes, a wide knowledge of many subjects, and his usually armed with a clever gadget and an appropriate one-liner.

James Bond, Agent 007 83%
Maximus 79%
Indiana Jones 79%
Captain Jack Sparrow 71%
The Amazing Spider-Man 71%
Lara Croft 63%
Batman, the Dark Knight 58%
William Wallace 54%
El Zorro 46%
Neo, the "One" 42%
The Terminator 25%

I guess that I'm a sophisticated, charming, intelligent flirt.

cream rising to the top

I realized somewhere along Hwy 62, I take much more for granted now than I ever did as a freshman. More in terms of my abilities and what I expect a meritocratic world to hold for myself and for others. To this end, I've had different versions of "merit" floating around in my head lately. Deborah Stone, the visiting professor, pointed out an interesting book review by David Brooks this past week. Brooks states that college admissions are stacking the deck in favor of those who are most like them:

In 1952, more than 37 percent of Harvard freshmen had fathers who had not attended college. By 1996, less than 11 percent did. In 1954, 10 percent of Harvard freshmen had fathers who worked at blue-collar jobs. Forty-two years later, only 5 percent did.

In 1996, only about 3 percent of the American labor force was in one of the highly credentialed professional occupations (doctor, lawyer, professor), but nearly a third of Harvard freshmen that year were children of such professionals.

With the traveling and schmoozing that I've done lately, I can see how that is the case. I've come across some fabulously brilliant people with backgrounds that are both amazing and slightly frightening. People are always surprised that there are no doctors in my family, only teachers (as if that means that teachers aren't ultimately more influential). However, Brooks' case is frightening with its suggestion that a culture difference is widening due to a combined effort of societal and cultural pressures.

the circuit gets smaller.

Spending one's first night as a 22 year old in a five star hotel isn't so bad. Ordering New York Strip steak (medium rare) also eases the pain as well. However, nothing can compensate for the fact that Kar and I had gotten up at 4 am in order to leave for the airport at 4:45 am. Needless to say, I was a walking zombie with a cold. Notwithstanding, since I arrived in STL so early, I did get to visit my lab for two hours and visit a friend from two summers ago. Still fabulous as ever.

Oh, and the temperature was a balmy 75 degrees.

As for my actual purpose of being in St. Louis, not much can be said. Maybe one day Kar and I will co-author the definitive guide to leading a double life.

The ability to wear a short skirt and to be a scientist are completely unrelated.

Usually I skip Maureen Dowd's articles, finding them too brassy and immoderate for me. However, her article on the modern working girl has a point (only until page 3 out of 7 pages). Dowd notes that:

----
"Feminists in the 70's went overboard," Anne Schroeder, a 26-year-old magazine editor in Washington, agrees. "Paying is like opening a car door. It's nice. I appreciate it. But he doesn't have to."

Unless he wants another date.

Women in their 20's think old-school feminists looked for equality in all the wrong places, that instead of fighting battles about whether women should pay for dinner or wear padded bras they should have focused only on big economic issues.

After Googling and Bikramming to get ready for a first dinner date, a modern girl will end the evening with the Offering, an insincere bid to help pay the check. "They make like they are heading into their bag after a meal, but it is a dodge," Marc Santora, a 30-year-old Metro reporter for The Times, says. "They know you will stop them before a credit card can be drawn. If you don't, they hold it against you."

One of my girlfriends, a TV producer in New York, told me much the same thing: "If you offer, and they accept, then it's over."
------

Yes, most girls aren't the strident feminists of their mothers' generation. The question isn't always "Why not?" but "How is it different?" I admit that I've gotten accused of setting women back 50 years, by preferring to ask a guy to walk me home at night over a group of girls. I ask guys to lift heavy boxes or a fridge for me whenever possible. Making people feel important is classy and attractive. However, I wouldn't consider myself weaker in the process. I simply recognize my own limitations. Just because I would rather have a guy lift a heavy box for me doesn't mean that I expect him to make more money than me. Or even that I want him to do so.

Two years ago, at least two of my friends admitted that they want to stay at home and raise kids. I was awestruck at this since I've always been of the notion that one day I will morph into Superwoman, able to have a model family, a husband who can cook, clean, and have carpentry skills equal to that of my father, and a prolific career that at least requires a cell phone or a pager. I'm more realistic now. Two out of the three for both my husband and myself is still a passing grade. For my friends, I realize that this is probably a happier choice and at the very least, equally fulfilling.

if I can make it here,

then I can make it anywhere. It's up to you, New York, New York.

Yep, back from Manhattan. Not that I saw anything save for the area from 66th to 71st Avenue. Turned out to be a huge blur. Here is what I remember/learned:

1. The fact that I went to South Africa automatically means that I want to study HIV for my Ph.D. or conduct clinical research. Glad someone else knows my mind better than I do.

2. I met a girl who can quote people from Student Doctor Network. [Yes, Mai, if you are reading this, I found this amusing as well.]

3. Med school/grad school Halloween parties are similar to fraternity parties without the Greek letters and less cheap beer and more cheap vodka.

4. Best costume: person with geometric pyramid faces (without the point) surrounding his waist. Tiny spikes protuded from each of these faces with a stuffed chicken hanging in the front. [Note that the spikes were actually pipet tips.] We guessed chicken pox. Answer: avian flu virus H5N1.

(groan)

5. The Empire State Building looks pretty amazing at night.

the allstu

Highly amused at what comes across as an allstu. Someone (not me) accidentally sent out an email with the debate club's password listed. Goes without saying that the mistake was remedied within 5 minutes.

The British debate has already turned into a comedy of errors. Wish I could see the final product on Thursday night....

Care Bear Power

I now have a Care Bear blanket, thanks to Dawn and Kar. I also have a get-well card with the words Arabidopsos thaliana, Drosophila melanogaster, Manduca sexta, distillation, and cheese. Cheese, right next to the chemical structure of vitamin C.

Only the addition of the word "entropy" tops that.

Where you lead, I will follow

Since the school year has begun, I have done a lot of thinking about what I do and why I do it. Invariably, student government is inherently limited and I have less time than ever before to volunteer. Perhaps it is too cliche to say that I seek to make a difference in the world. This morning I found a couple of quotations that seem to resonate.

"A leader is best when people barely know that he exists, less good when they obey and acclaim him, worse when they fear and despise him. Fail to honor people and they fail to honor you. But of a good leader, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say, We did this ourselves."
--Lao Tzu--

Some say that my teaching is nonsense.
Others call it lofty but impractical.
But to those who have looked inside themselves,
this nonsense makes perfect sense.
And to those who put it into practice,
this loftiness has roots that go deep.

I have just three things to teach:
simplicity, patience, compassion.
Simple in actions and thoughts,
you return to the source of being.
Patient with both friends an enemeies,
you accord with the way things are.
Compassionate toward yourself,
You reconcile all being in the world.
--Lao Tzu--

How would other philosophers answer? Plato? Machiavelli? Is one right or are there pieces that we can extract from their writings? Sometimes I regret that I do not have more of a background in these writers.

I cannot remember who was talking about being both idealistic and cynical these days. Perhaps I would characterize myself as idealistic and realistic. I do not seek recognition but yet I wish to be acknowledged for my hard work. While I believe that "Everyone can be great because everyone can serve" (Martin Luther King), is it possible that being "great" is the same for everyone? This idea was dicussed in my English class last year in reference to Dante. Lovely circles in Paradise. Everyone can serve, whether it is community or individual-driven. Yet is is a matter of perspective or opportunity? How can we ensure that everyone has an equal opportunity to reach their potential?

Lately I have also been drawn to classical music. Lab, writing, or relaxing in my room. Beethoven. Chopin. Mahler. Mozart. It is a solitary escape, I do admit.

Old-fashioned science

Although I usually enjoy serving as a molecular biology teaching assistant, a week of running around with phylogenetic trees and gene clean preps makes me whether I am cut out to teach science. A professor said today that graduate school (i.e. PhD track) teaches one to conduct research and then one enters teaching with little or no training. Sink or swim.

The topic of science education is hot right now. In today's NY Times, Thomas Friedman notes how the US, in an increasingly global society, lags behind Germany, China, and Japan in the number of undergraduate degrees award in science and engineering. His suggested initiatives include increased federal grant money to young researchers as well as merit scholarships to those who specifically enter science and math education at the high school level, pouring more money into basic science research (and especially for young researchers).

All of this comes from a global standpoint. Good in theory, hard in practice. What is likely more urgent is how science is taught in these high school classroom and not just who or how many teach science. The National Academies Press recently released a report to this effect. How undergraduates don't have the background to teach science and how the curricula isn't focused on gaining an appreciation of science as a discipline. The recommendations to link the scientific method/problem-based learning with textbook concepts reminded me of the stories that I heard from a Kenyon alumnus who taught science for Teach for America.

Medical ethics and third world countries

An interesting editorial in Science by a doctor in Mali.

news of the day

Who says chemistry can't be "sexy?" U of MN scientists believe that sex pheromes can be used as a migratory attractant and when artificially synthesized, can be used to trap lampreys in the Great Lakes.

Oh, and my nerdy interest in science resurfaces. The scientists who originally studied H. pylori just won this year's Nobel Prize. H. pylori contributes to stomach ulcers by inducing inflammation and attracting interleuking and other pro-inflammatory markers to the lumen of the stomach.

Back from Iowa

This weekend, I accompanied the Hunsen lab to a carbohydrate symposium held in Toledo. Somehow my mom heard about it third-hand and thought that we were driving to Iowa. We did end up whizzing past a "Welcome to Michigan" sign after I forgot to tell Kelly which freeway exit to take. Sometimes I forget how cheerful the state signs appear.

We arrived at the hotel unscathed. It's great that Kenyon students get to know their professors well, but I think that I would have little to say if I actually shared a hotel room with one of mine. Or I would remain relatively disconcerted for the trip.

The symposium was interesting. I know little about organic chemistry synthesis, but I enjoyed getting a taste of the field. It is cliche to say that you learn something new everyday. However, I did learn that I will not devote my life to worrying about ppm shifts on the NMR spectra.

Chris, Dave, Kelly, and I did exhibit our bias as liberal arts students as we read U of Toledo's student newspaper. A useless education:

"I'm a biology major, and to be honest, I absolutely love and adore my biology and science classes.... However, on top of those classes, I have to take literature courses, multicultural courses, foreign language courses, humanities and social science courses.... These classes can be interesting and fun, but when it all boils down, how much will they help me in my career?

The way I see it, every hour I spend studying Latin is one less hour I'll be studying for biology.... Some people argue we take these courses to be enriched or well-rounded individuals.

I'm under the impression that it's just a money making scheme...."

That and the yuppie-left article. Ah, student newspapers.

On the way home, I remembered why Kelly and I take crazy road trips across the Midwest. Imagine driving on country highways. Golden-colored cornfields line the road and the truck in front of you is going at a wholesome pace: 50 mph. The truck is also large enough to interfere with your radio signal, thereby allowing karoake to bad pop music (as that and country music get reception) to be interrupted. Of course Lee Greenwood's "I'm proud to be an American" comes on the radio.

Now, I'm back on campus and enjoying peace and quiet. Maybe a movie, Harry Potter, or sleep.

Newscope

I love it when people send "anonymous" emails from their Kenyon account.

Dear Newscope, I am a long time reader of your publication and I do find it very helpful, but I do have a concern. Is it really necessary to print in every issue that MiddleGround is open from 8:00am-12:00am? This seems like something that would be useful at the beginning of the year but after a while it seems like a huge waste of ink since you guys print like 50 copies of the Newscope every time you put out a new one. Maybe if you could explain your reasoning for doing so I would be more understanding but it just seems unnessecary.

Sincerely, A Newscope reader.
-------------------------------

Hmmm, considering the salary that both Alycia and I draw, I think that the costs of paper and labor far outweigh the costs of ink. I would point to space and aesthetic considerations, but not ink.

Also, I'm confused. Why does my devoted reader to "be more understanding?"

KB Squared-- the inside scoop

What possessed me to reduce my relationship to Karly to a world shared by others? Three recent examples:

1. Writing about her in essays. For example, "My identical twin and I fueled each other’s desire to compete as individuals but serve as members of a greater community."

Note: this has also meant discussing this content to OTHER PEOPLE, viz. professors. This has also meant that details of our lives have gone public. Apparently, we share the trait of making our personal statement not personal enough....

2. Watching how we speak when others are around. Apparently, twin speak is classified as a foreign language to some.

3. Agreeing to be on an admissions panel in a few weeks to discuss having a sibling on campus. Both of us are inexplicably on this panel, so it will be like cross-talk on cnn. a "discussion" with 20-20 hindsight.

borders of our lives

I've slacked off quite a bit these last few days. It's produced the odd situation where I have seen few people multiple times but many people a few times. Conversation topics? Anything from life back on the hill to Teach for America to the movie "Sideways."

Interesting sidenote (a la Gilbert or B2): Sideways was directed by Alexander Payne, who also directed "Election." Election was the first movie that I actually had to stop watching because I couldn't stand it anymore. Also of note: A favorite book of mine, "A Separate Peace," is read aloud in "Sideways."

Last night I found myself asking "Why do I read?" I write too many personal statements these days to believe that this can be answered. Sincerity, if included in the first draft, could be edited for the sake of brevity. [There's a good Michael Chabon quote at the end of Wonder Boys about reading through pages looking for the parts that sound true.]

So, I read in order to relax, to learn about the world, to learn how others perceive the world.

Revision: I read in order to escape. I read to forget other responsibilities or that I even have responsibilities to a particular class. I read to live vicariously and forget who I am. And then I read because my obsession kicks in and I can't think about anything else but that fabulous, gripping book. Which is something that my beloved vanilla coke cannot provide.

New blog

Interesting blog. When I get the chance, I will try to post it in the links section. For all those interested in international health care.

http://effectmeasure.blogspot.com/

memo that

I don't think that I will ever understand the internet or how search engines work. Just read an email that told me to do a search on google for the word "failure." The results? The belief that politics are everywhere.

Speaking of politics, I started reading a biography of Queen Elizabeth I, by J.E. Neale. A fascinating read. My other current read is "Curious Incident of a Dog in the Nighttime," by Mark Haldon. One of those books that I've been meaning to read for a year and only now reading. Would have finished it by now if I actually picked it up each day before 1am....

Conversations

Yes, I really do have a child-sized foot. I can't help it. However, I do think that I know how to buy shoes so that they aren't too small or too large. Last night, I went to visit some "friends" and one girl told me that my foot is not that small. I should really be wearing women-sized shoes because my foot was not that much smaller than hers. Perhaps I just wear shoes that are too small for me and have been doing so since fourth grade. Go figure.

On another note, here is an article for potential new authors:.

I also decided to write a book oene day. Humorous accounts of being a twin. Earlier this week, someone told me that I could be a soap opera. Public affairs writing is that cheesy. Friend said that we are like a schizophrenic. First one talk, then the other. But it sounds like the same person. Not so, but funny nonetheless.

Tale of two moods

Thursday: I had an absolutely amazing day on Thursday. I don't know why, but I loved it. I had 3.5 hours of sleep the previous night, but I couldn't do anything to stop smiling. I had this tremendous bounce in my step, and nothing could deter my good mood. Nothing spectacular or even memorable occurred, but the entire day was great. I split the entire day between my lab work and TA'ing and then band. However, it was just one of those amazing days in which I want to dance down Middle Path. Life for no explicable reason was just that good.

Saturday: I went running this morning, which is not good in itself. I run in order to be fit or to clear my head. Approximately three miles of pavement and the sound of the wind. I needed to run away from my planner and the thousands of meetings and labs. I needed to run away from the applications yet undone. Above all, I needed time away from Kenyon. SIPS last night was great, but not enough. Right now, I just see too much drama, where everyone hears only half of the story (especially when it involves the opposite sex) and then when you do hear the other half, you just end up hurt. Really hurt. Basically, I'm at the point where two friends are causing me more stress than the rest of my crazy life put together. Everyone is acting like twelve years old and no one is being truthful. I fee like I'm the excuse for someone's else's insecurities, and I haven't even seen the players in days. Which is why I'm in hiding and trying to figure out where to go for October Break. This campus is too small and enclosed right now.

Random news

Classes started this week. While I'm not going to think about the loads of work and my home away from home, I should share amusing stories.

Every as a little kid asks "why is water blue?" Adults can explain that lakes and rivers are not really blue; merely their coloring is the reflection of the sky. This leads to the inevitable question, "why is the sky blue?"

Now I demonstrate my nerdy side, minus the nerdy glasses. Reading my instrumental analysis book, I can now say that the sky is blue as a result of the Rayleigh scattering. Shorter wavelengths from the sun's radiation scatter when they reach the atmospheric medium. As these shorter wavelengths are in the visible region, we see the scattered waves in the sky as blue. Thus, a blue sky.

Tonight the power went off across Gambier, just before 9pm. Little surprise that I was reading my textbook and working on the computer. To make a long story short, Prof. Lutton loaned four of us students his flashlight and a propane lamp. The four of us dragged a table and chairs out of a lounge and sat and studied by the light of an emergency light and the propane lamp.

As this is Kenyon, a couple friends came by and tried to argue that since power was out, it was a good excuse as any to start drinking. Somehow the excuse that it was early in the night sounded quite lame. I stuck with my coffee and milk and biology textbook.

To end the excitement, the lights came back on around 11pm. It was a bit humorous to hide matches and the propane lamp in the biochemistry lab. Kelly didn't want to set off the smoke detectors either in the restroom and was in a momentary panic.

Enough talk now. Time to read about the principles of democracy.

Sex, drugs, and rock and roll

In some ways, I guess that you could say that I'm sexually frustrated. Everywhere I look, someone is talking about sex. I'm overwhelmed and frankly, a little tired of the topic. Just because I'm naive doesn't necessarily mean that I want or need to know the ins and outs of the 1000 ways to copulate. Preferably, my mind needs to be out of the gutter at the moment. Just too many voices speaking about it. Conversations with friends at Kenyon, a cabaret, and even the NY Times. Well, sort of.

In general, too much information. Way too many details.

Think I will go and improve my physical chemistry. Of the math variety.

Desiderata

Karly is on page 6 out of 60, so I will post the poem she wanted:

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others,
even to the dull and ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrman, 1927

a new Kenyon tradition

I've become a flagbearer for life. Walking through the faculty on Middle Path next May will be the sixth time that I have walked through them. Three convocations and two commencements thus far.

In a way, I'm sad. A professor told me this year that the procession is not merely about tradition but also about the individual quirks that make each march unique. Three of flag processions have paired me with Kar. I admit that there's something humorous about a pair of identical twins leading the faculty. The flags are twice our height. I once caught the American flag on a tree branch. I've learned to wear a miniskirt under the robes and to look backwards and watch for the professory emeritus of physics.

I've had many conversations with senior faculty with whom I have never had class. Today Mr. Lentz and I discussed Cahokia. In a way, I really do love this tradition. Carrying the flag is an honor and one of my favorite oddball traditions on a campus, superstitutious for the 8th floor Caples and the unsanitary post at the Gates of Hell.

Today was great.

Tales from suburbia

Today, I nearly finished the neurotic epic called "packing for college." After sitting on my third medium-sized suitcase/duffel bag, I looked out the window around lunchtime and saw my lovely stepbrother pull into the driveway. Home from summer school, no doubt. Another car pulls up, this time with a blonde stereotypic of my hometown. It's misting outside, so the two chat for awhile before getting into her car to continue chatting.

No, it would never occur to him to enter the house. His stepsisters, who "have no social life" (his words earlier this year) are home. But as he later told his dad, this was his lunch break and he did come inside to nap.

Some nap.

My bedroom window has one of the few views of the driveway and the cul-de-sac where the girl's car is parked. The car windows get fogged, reminiscent of Titanic, so the kids stop to defog. We look out again.

Boy-meet-girl.
Boy and girl have hormones.
PG/PG-13 situation.

In a cul-de-sac.

Viewed from a window this is undoubtedly testimony that would not hold up in a court of law, apart from the false assurances that the boy did come into the house.

Moral of the story: with the rocky history of the stepbrother, should parents or stepbrother be told?

Overheard...

... at the ballgame:
"Oooh, it's the kiss-cam. I love it! Let's practice!"


... on the streets:
"I'm feeling more liberal these days. I don't understand why."

"It's ok not to be conservative."


... on shopping at Target (online):
""The external experience is about shopping," she writes. "The internal, emotional experience is about being validated, and treated with respect.""


... in Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince:
"I think that I'm good looking enough for both of us!" (Fleur Delacour)

back in the old world

Wish I had time to write a substantial blog entry, but unfortunately my internet connection is slow and my computer battery is low. A brief update: Kelly and I finished our road trip across the tri-state area. 771.6 miles later and having seen relatives from all sides, it will be about time to head out for our fall road trip across the eastern states of the midwest. Fun times.

From shopping to chewing wheat gum to dance lessons, it's been quite a trip.

a trip north

Funny, I've managed to hit pretty much all of the "must-see" sights in Duluth, Minnesota and a few more. Not that I went to the tequila bar or anything of course. But the ore boats and the Depot are old favorites. As are Enger Tower, Skyline Parkway, and the cute little breakfast/pub place whose name escapes me. The Congdon mansion reminds of the board game, Clue, at any rate.

work hard, play hard

Repeatedly, I'm reminded of this creed. A friend of mine has apparently lately said that his motto is, in the tradition of Clark Gable, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a ----." Based on my last few weeks, my motto would certainly mirror a more high-powered lifestyle. I've pulled some crazy hours in lab, with alternating tears and giggles. Take Saturday.

Study hard: Stayed up Friday night and talked literally till dawn. Slept for a couple hours before heading to lab. Worked on my poster (whose accompanying frustrations are too tortuous to mention) for five hours. No time for breakfast or lunch.

Play hard: Saturday's fun had to be an all or nothing affair, at least for me. The Zoo is huge, so no oliphants. Felt extremely lighthearted from the sun since I hadn't eaten, but the fruit smoothie that someone gave me sure helped. However, at the Hard Rock Cafe, I certainly ate enough for the entire day.


Digression: Penguins remind me of tuxedos, or is it the other way around?

Above all, playing hard on Saturday meant the City Museum. It's essentially a playground for big kids... with enchanted caves and a skateless skate park. Meaning running and climbing without stopping. Banging my head against the ceiling. Squeezing my butt through holes and muttering "shit, shit" every two steps as I crawled through a wire tunnel three stories above the ground. [Heights make me dizzy.] Just the incessent need to move and revel in the moment until one drops from exhaustion.

Someone called this place the "poster child on steroids" for the level of recycling and reusing of old materials that occurs. Needless to say, I had to include some pictures.



We climbed down this at the City Museum.



I called this a sundial.



It was actually quite easy to climb into the mouth of the great white whale (a la Moby Dick).



The adventurous group after a hard night's play. We're sitting on the elephant tree. See the tusks?

In some ways, this single day is indicative of all my days. Busy, active, enviable, and I'll hate it and love it and would do it again. But what would life be like without this?

a cure for the common cold

So echinacea isn't the golden panacea we thought it was. The best remedy for colds still remains to wash your hands and to drink gallons and gallons of orange juice. I'm impressed with the people who volunteered to have cold viruses "dripped down their noses." Suffering for five days with a cold (even if handsomely compensated) doesn't sound like too much fun.

New England Journal of Medicine

doubt

It's disappointing to read a fabulous review of a new Broadway show and not know whether it's coming to a theater near you. Or at the very least, know that you will be in a town long enough to go to the theater.

But Doubt sounds fabulous. The central theme sounds like an amazing topic to explore. One-word titles must be in vogue. Proof. Contact.

flu season

Oh dear. The problems associated with drug delivery, vaccines, genetics, cross-species dangers, and public health all merge together in influenza.

I'm starting to think that infectious disease is the place to be. Especially when one considers the non-bacteria world.

a great big nuclear furnace

Facts to consider:

To date: the high for the month in July in St. Louis has been 98 degrees F, with a low of 58. The average high has been (gasp) a steamy 91 degrees while the low seems a balmy 71.

I borrowed this from the National Weather Service for the St. Louis area....

...TEMPERATURES ARE EXPECTED TO RISE QUICKLY INTO THE MID AND UPPER 90S BY EARLY TUESDAY AFTERNOON WITH HEAT INDICES RISING ABOVE 105 DEGREES FOR THE SEVENTH CONSECUTIVE DAY.

It's no longer a steam iron outside. St. Louis has become a convectional oven.

Thanks Alaina

How far would you get when taking over England? by Kratos
Name
Weapon of Choice
You take over:	The entire country. And Scotland and Wales, too. Next, onto Ireland...
You are stopped by:	The Scots. Because they do that.
The French:	Invade. And leave after you glance in their general direction.
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Hometown politics

I haven't had much time of late to read articles from different news sources. However, I did come across this blog about Norm Coleman, a MN senator. It is a bit sloppy and incredibly biased, but it is slightly difficult to deny Coleman's rise to national office is due to his connections within the Republican Party. Yet, isn't that how it is in politics regardless of party affiliation? To believe otherwise is naive.

Likewise, "It's who you know, not what you know." This phrase is so important in any field. The Village Voice highlighted a piece on BritPop and Blair. Read it if you are interested in New Labour or for a perspective on cultural influences in national elections.

Extraneous news

An interesting idea. Authors who write for young adults can probably hold the attention of adults. But great writers for adults cannot always capture the same magic for young adults.

This is better than the idea that MTV has been floating for African and Asian music channels. An all-African TV channel for news and entertainment. Wonder if Americans will be able to watch "Generations," the South African soap opera where the characters interlace Xhosa, Zulu, English and Afrikaans in the same scene. Normally airs prime time so that families can watch teh show together. Incidentally, the show is set in a brothel. Overall, it is better to import this show than to export "The Bold and the Beautiful" overseas.

and so it is

Lately I have been rereading Tennyson's "Ulysses" in hopes of inspiration. Each time, a new line or passage appears to have greater meaning than the previous reading. Some say that it is about an arrogant warrior, reflecting back on life. Perhaps it is. However, the passages about searching for something greater than your own existence are meaningful.

Life piled on life
Were all to little, and of one to me
Little remains: but every hour is saved
From that eternal silence, something more,
A bringer of new things; and vile it were
For some three suns to store and hoard myself,
And this gray spirit yearning in desire
To follow knowledge like a sinking star,
Beyond the utmost bound of human thought.

...that which we are, we are;
One equal-temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

Life has been more than a bit confusing of late. Too much pressure to do too much and grow up too fast. I wish I didn't look sixteen. However, after seeing the movie "Thirteen," I'm glad that I don't look older than my age- when all I really want to do is crawl into bed with my Harry Potter book. No matter what anyone says, I know that I have to make my own mistakes. It has been hard, of late, to remain passive and accept that some people do not take the time to relax and walk in someone else's shoes.

For some of the reasons listed above, I also like Anna Nalick's lyrics for "Breathe (2am)." The song itself has an easy, yet driven feel to it.

...There's a light at each end of this tunnel, you shout
But you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
These mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around....

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, its no longer
inside of me, threatening the life they belong to
And i feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to.

I don't pretend to be an idealist. However, I don't want to lose my optimism. Especially not about those I care about.

yeah, you know?

Two more weeks in St. Louis! In some ways, it's sad to be leaving, but I'm looking forward to spending time at home. Also, right now, I really need a vacation. Yes, a chance to validate the accents immortalized in the movie "Fargo" by visiting relatives in North Dakota and northern Minnesota! No joke. I'm really excited. The long "o" or "a" sound and the use of "d" in lieu of a "t" brings back so many wonderful memories. I've lost some of the accent, partly due to my frustration at my freshman hall for laughing and imitating the accent (when I couldn't hear a difference). Clip and soften the "a" in "bag" and wow, people now understand what word you are saying.

Other news. I found the transcript for Garrison's Keillor's "A Lutheran's Guide to the Orchestra." For all the little earnest Lutheran Minnesotan clarinetists.

Clarinet

Many Lutherans start out playing clarinets in marching band and think of it as a pretty good instrument and kind of sociable. You pick up a clarinet, and you feel like getting together with other people and forming an "M." But the symphonic clarinet is different: clever, sarcastic, kind of snooty. It's a nice small town instrument that went to college and after that you can't get a simple answer out of them. It is a French instrument, you know. Ever wonder why there are no French Lutherans? Probably the wine wasn't good enough for them. The oboe is the sensualist of the woodwind section, and if there is one wind Lutherans should avoid, it's probably this one. In movie soundtracks, you tend to hear the oboe when the woman is taking her clothes off. Also a little later when she asks the man for a cigarette. You start playing the oboe, you're going to have babies, take my word for it.

HP and the HBP

~"And now, Harry, let us step out into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure."~

Talk about reasons to smile. I hate to brag, but I read all 652 pages between 1am on Saturday morning and 5pm Sunday afternoon. Only stood in line for maybe 35 minutes. And I went to lab and floated down the river all day. [Yes, Kar, I need a lab as cool as yours where people pour wine out of plastic bottles and post-docs dump undergrads in the river.]....

Must read those gorgeous pages of HP again this week in order to absorb the full contents. But ooooh, 'tis better than gorging one's self on goldfish crackers or vanilla coke. Especially the ending. Real-time PCR had to wait. Same for my 9am presentation. (eek!). This was just too entertaining.

Word of warning: do NOT read this until after finishing. Unless you want to spoil the fun. Then again, book reviews always do.

(sigh) This was an amazing weekend. I haven't had this much fun with a new book in awhile. I'm still smiling at the thought of it. (Grins)

Growth curve

Sometimes it's strange to think that we can grow away from what we once loved. Found an interesting article on the divergent perceptions of Roald Dahl by children and adults. Was interested to know whether the adults who felt "threatened" by Dahl liked his books when they were children.

Apart from Matilda (I tried v. hard one day to move a glass of water with my brain) and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (minus the Oompa Loompas), Roald Dahl books never held that much appeal. Giants and vampires and anything that crunched bones frightened me. Insects frightened me. Then again, I was at the age where I didn't appreciate sketches in my books. I wanted to imagine everything and I preferred mysteries and biographies. Sometimes it makes me wonder whether my world ws one of imagination or one of exploration.

bioethics, part II

It seems that the Bush administration takes scientific ethics seriously, but in a different direction than I have been thinking.

do the facts speak for themselves?

Much has been written lately about the Judith Miller and Matthew Cooper cases and the responsibilities of the media to the government, the law and the public trust. I've been thinking a lot lately about what constitutes the public trust, especially with regards to science. Society invests in scientists a huge responsibility to further society through their work. So it's troubling when a recent Nature article reports for US scientists that:

"Of 3,247 early- and mid-career researchers who responded, less than 1.5% admitted to falsification or plagiarism, the most serious types of misconduct listed. But 15.5% said they had changed the design, methodology or results of a study in response to pressure from a funding source; 12.5% admitted overlooking others' use of flawed data; and 7.6% said they had circumvented minor aspects of requirements regarding the use of human subjects.

Overall, about a third admitted to at least one of the ten most serious offences on the list — a range of misbehaviours described by the authors as "striking in its breadth and prevalence"."

An AP article cites this article and notes that the Dept. of Health and Human Services received 50% more complaints of scientific misconduct than two years ago. That's 274 complaints.

What is perhaps most troublesome are the reasons that people cheat. Usually it's not due to lack of adequate training. It's the high profile environment, and the cutthroat race to gain tenure or to maintain one's reputation. The case of Andrew Friedman suggests that high-profile research is a pressure cooker. According to that rationale, cheating helps one stay ahead or at least on-course. Why must this be true? Is it really fair to say that the environment produces cheaters? Somehow that's like a nature vs. nurture argument--with the truth lying on both sides. Yes, a glass ceiling exists in first tier research institutions for those who do not produce as much as their neighbor. However, it's rather unfair to blame the environment rather than one's own moral code.

So what needs to be done? Classes on scientific ethics are a start. Perhaps not just at the graduate level (as is already done), but at the undergraduate level, when many students begin their training. Also, I'm trying to learn more about the process of reviewing an article for publication. What I know so far: it's very, very tedious and actually quite boring. Checking 43 sources is nothing compared to figuring out whether the topic is "novel" and worthy of publication. It would be easy to see why people would not be willing to dig into every article with gusto and severely question data or conclusions. However, a strong sense of responsibility of reviewers to ascertain the validity of data is crucial.

Sometimes it seems that scientific research comes up in the news for two reasons: sexy discoveries or scientific misconduct. The first is natural and likely well-deserved. The second scenario gets the largest outcry in the case of Vioxx/Celebrex and the threat of "Big Pharma." That this latter situation occurs at all is a disservice to the 2/3 of scientists who do not violate the public trust.


Full text of Nature study

5 things

Post five things you enjoy, even when no one around you wants to go out and play. What lowers your stress/blood pressure/anxiety level?

1. Reading good books.
2. Waking up with the sunrise.
3. Writing.
4. Dancing to pop music around my room.
5. Long chats with friends.

the world in health

I'm underequipped to discuss the ramifications of today's bombing in London. That the focus has shifted to terrorism almost seems inevitable. I heard the story on NPR this morning, and I was saddened. I had gotten up early to continue to catch up on the plethora of articles on health issues in the developing world that have sprouted prior to the G8 summit. Such a strange juxtaposition. I was reading a Q&A with a hero of mine, Paul Farmer, and his latest initiatives in Rwanda and the promise to harness new DNA screening technology for cervical cancer in place of pap smears. The previous night was part of the Economist's terrific look at AIDS and Africa and the Gates Foundation enormous gift to further research to better implement accessible health care to developing nations. Now, I'm reading about terrorism again...

Blame Kristin (j/k)

Post five things you enjoy, even when no one around you wants to go out and play. What lowers your stress/blood pressure/anxiety level? Post it to your journal, and then tag 5 friends and ask them to post it to theirs.

1. Reading (newspapers, books, anything that doesn't belong in Cell or JBC)
2. Surprise phone calls from far away friends
3. Naps
4. Vanilla coke (until the caffeine raises my HR)
5. Gazing at the sunrise/sunset/the stars


And I pass this on to:

Alea
B2
Karly
James
Sam

Good things never die

I watched two movies today: the end of The Shawshank Redemption and Bridget Jones: the Edge of Reason. In their own way, both movies proclaim the message of hope. One, for the inner dignity of humanity and the other for a girlish dream that one person can, in the words of Jerry Maguire, “complete me.” I feel the need to watch Shawshank every year. Maybe twice, I don’t keep track. I love the movie because it reminds me that there is something universal in humanity, something that is good and keeps us alive. Prison is presented as the worst possible scenario, not simply for the warden and the guards’ brutality, but for the way that the mind fucks with you. The walls that one builds up around one’s self and prevents you from seeing what is there for you and is possible. Oft quoted lines include, “Get busy living or get busy dying” and “Hope is a good thing—maybe the best of things—and good things never die.”

Much has been said about the Fourth of July. Andrew Sullivan's comments were probably the best this year. Fourth of July is often times hilarious due to the excessive amount of red, white, and blue. It’s a time when Americans overlook the tackiness of Walmart in order to buy flags and display them in a post-9/11 era. In many ways, there is a religiousity about this holiday. People, especially columnists, renew their faith in this country by reminding each other what we have done and why we are great.

Disclaimer: Most of my Fourth of July celebrations have taken place in small town America: Centuria, WI; Duluth, MN; Gambier, OH; and Grinnell, IA. Last year was no exception. This year’s fanfare in St. Louis reminded me of the small town dedication to the civic ideal of Americanism—an ideal separate from the power of the dollar. Security checkpoints at the Arch seemed natural to me, another sign that my rose-colored view of life probably isn’t accurate.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and a lot of talking with some friends about our place in this world as individuals. I’m fortunate to have some amazing friends. One is a genius at math. One will touch the lives of his students through his music. Many are in science. Many are in grad school in the humanities. One is entering high school and just learning to drive. One is going to save the world, be it in human rights or international policy. We’ve talked about the merits of teaching and the drawbacks of academia and policy on a macro-scale.

What I love about my friends is the depth of caring that each of them have for their friends and for a wider world. It’s an optimistic and hopeful belief. According to this progressive approach, we, as individuals, can have a positive impact on the world and that moreover, we must do so. [No, I’m not going to take the Catholic or evangelical approach here.] The Fourth of July and a couple Hollywood blockbusters remind me that, while it’s not an entirely American trait, the hope that we can take our country’s future or our own destiny in our own hands holds an intoxicating appeal.

American culture

I'm not going to sit back and wistfully ponder the greatness or downsides of America. That would just be a waste of time. Read and find your own opinions.

Andrew Sullivan is the most eloquent on a common theme: life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Makes you want to stand and wave an American flag.

Not all of Susan Lanfestey's arguments make sense, but I like her imagery of Walmart as a mirage and the selection of radio stations in northern Wisconsin to be right for the entire demographic or passing traveler.

Recent conversations of late have made me think about how American I am. Yes, it is debatable as to what is a true American. That is not a debate that I would want to enter. Too personal or else will wind up sounding like a spoiled brat. Thomas Sowell claims a petty difference between the Honda and Lexus. Maybe so, but reading his view on environmentalism, you can understand that he will drive the Lexus sports car and burn the gasoline with no second thought. MSN and Forbes.com recently posted an article on what "the good life" costs. Forget political philosophers. Somehow, I have this picture of Suburbia again in my mind.

After listening to Europeans talk about why the United States is so puzzling conservative, it is interesting that Tony Blair wants to raise discussion about the European social model. Anyone who's been abroad can tell you that each country has its own philosophy. Each has its own lifestyle and reason to work, as the upcoming book "European Dreams" appears to analyze. Working to live or living to work. Or the thought of idealists: living to work in order to have a better life.

NB: If you are interested in work philosophies between the United States, start by thinking about France's 35 hour work week. NYT Magazine just had an article featuring this topic. Must love savings and investment in productivity and human capitol. Will money or time make people happy? Oh Working Time Directive!

Bringing this post back full circle, Darrin McMahon talks about "the pursuit of happiness" and the relationship between the public and private good. Back to Locke and political philosophy.

On a more personal note, I did see fireworks under the St. Louis Arch on July 3 and July 4. Will remember the booming, cannon-sounding fireworks, running to catch the Metro, and knowing the words to almost every patriotic song played. Was also starting to compare the extreme haste and extreme assertiveness of others on the train as the hurried feeling trying to leave King of Kings' parking lot. For some people, fireworks signal the end of patriotism and good-will to others. Welcome back to (one side of) American culture.

superhero for a day

Sometimes when I am in lab, I like to pretend that I'm saving the world. I know that it's silly, but when the only action that you get is the wrist action of pipetting, you need to keep the mind occupied.

My presence in lab is simply a ruse. Underneath my lab coat is a shirt with a K plastered across my chest. I'm here to find the cure to cancer, to nab the nasty mutant gang that masquerade under names like c-myc or large T. They have hijacked the control center at p53 and withstood the SWAT team's battery of gemcitabine and irinotecan. Today, I found that they are hiding in their cells. It's a place that I would call hell. They call it HeLa. I've tracked them on the MAPK and almost caught them phosophorylating on the AKT. Still not sure whether Ras was a wild goose chase. Those before me have sent some of the culprits to Apotosis but others have committed a mitotic catastrophe.

It's a dangerous world out there. Many innocents have died fighting and will continue to die at the hands of the cancer gang. Someone has to stop it before it metastasizes.

Life in the city

I blame my suburban-yuppie-ness on Woodbury. How else can you describe enjoying going to a coffee shop chain, ordering a latte, and sitting down to read? Tonight it was one of those nights that I had to leave my room. Journal articles needed to be read and my room was more welcoming to naps than scientific stuff. Somehow the Central West End is lacking in cute, independent coffee shops though.

It may sound strange, but I will often casually read license plates as I walk down the street. Looking at different states or creative phrases or the random letter combinations generated that may actually have a meaning. I did love it when my dad had FBI on his car. Or the car I saw once with DNA. Tonight my favorite license plate was "MI BMW" on a sporty, white BMW. Possessiveness, pride, or a joke. Take your pick.

I did read an interesting article today in JAMA, found through the Talking Point Memo Cafe. It appears that approximately 10% of physicians today are affiliated with an investment firm, such as a hedgefund. Conflicts of interest will most certainly arise. I'm a bit surprised at how many physicians are already involved with this sector, but it does make sense in terms of expertise and field of training. A recent issue of The Economist examined the pharmaceutical industry and its future challenges. Between both publications, it appears that the intersection between public and private research is a hot topic. What are the responsibilities that physicans have towards their patients, research, society, and themselves? Does medical research necessarily have to be within public domain, just because research will ultimately affect society? Personally, it is interesting to note the potential jobs that are opening up for particular degree holders, away from traditional faculty appointments.

In other health care news, it doesn't appear that Medicaid will be fixed anytime soon. More cuts might be in the near future, and legislators are working to reshape the qualifications for eligibility. Judging from the article that I read, it doesn't sound promising. A task force has been appointed, indicating that recommendations may not arrive for awhile. Meanwhile, the bureacracy continues and the elderly continue to sacrifice in order to get and stay on the program. It is a strange dilemma how a large percentage of senior citizens live on a government-based program and pay for privatized nursing home care.

Words of the Day

What's hot
Air conditioning (yes, please)
Cappachino coolers
NPR
Straw hats (I bought one on Saturday!)
String cheese
Sunrises (5:30 am, when the sun is a round red ball)

What's not
Applications
Bubble gum
One pot syntheses (of the cooking food variety)
St. Louis College of Pharmacy (I need a new view from my window)
Vioxx (NO idea about the particulars of the COX-2 inhibitors controversy)

KB Squared

Lately, I've made an effort to read more about the challenges of the health care industry. Found an interesting article in the Washington Post on the paradigm of Western biomedicine. Treatment, in this case, centered around psychiatric drugs and how their clinical trials lack cultural diversity. Now, I do tend to agree with the premise that a drug that addresses the biology behind an imbalance in serotonin levels would treat patients across cultural lines in relatively the same manner. However, in the article, multiple psychiatrists focused on the "superiority" of psychiatric illnesses, even going so far as to compare it to AIDS therapy. Which makes me wonder. What seems to be at stake is how people perceive the disesase and more importantly, how cultures believe that the disease should be addressed. Advocates can decry the levels of cultural insensitivity. However, economics and a natural arrogance in one's own form of treatment (in this case, Western psychiatric drugs) remove the universal nature of health care.

forgotten occasion

I had occasion and time to update my resume this morning. Had to add my St. Louis experience, which inevitably meant that something else had to be cut. Glancing over the dates and the work experiences made me realize that I have gone somewhere every summer since before my senior year of high school. All in the name of science. The first summer, I wasn't paid but I didn't pay anything. After that, I got smart. People paid me to show up. However, it makes me wonder. What kind of real-world experiences have I had? If you count living on your own and cooking for yourself, then I suppose that counts. Yet I would argue that the lab is a pretty insular job. You are a lab rat, aka a student. The only jobs that I have held that are non-science related are babysitting/pet-sitting or paid for by the college.

You have to wonder, is this the correct path for the FDA (Future Doctors of America)?

Addendum

Not sure if this link will work, but here is the article that I mentioned in the last post on politics and genetics.

go ahead, make my day

No, it's not merely the FISH motto or a command to make me feel special (which I unabashedly would not refuse), but rather the fun link that someone sent me. AFI has yet another list published of the top 100 movie quotes. Fun times.

It's funny how the minor events are the memorable ones. I'm never going to forget sitting on the pavement, listening to Sedaris tell a story - with a passing ice cream truck in the background. The sounds of the "Donut Song" ringing out and in my mind I'm singing, "Well I walked around the corner and I walked around the block." Or an email will come and it will simply bring a smile to my face. No rhyme or reason as to why or who. A line talking about a 2:2 and asking what are "finals?". Sometimes these items are enough to make me believe that not everything is really important.

The other day, I read an interesting article in the NY Times the other day about politics and genetics. "... a team of political scientists is arguing that people's gut-level reaction to issues like the death penalty, taxes and abortion is strongly influenced by genetic inheritance. The new research builds on a series of studies that indicate that people's general approach to social issues - more conservative or more progressive - is influenced by genes." Some may argue for an evolutionary advantage, but I wonder sometimes if that is too simplistic and ambiguous? Are the researchers arguing for a political pre-disposition or the phenotypic response of an individual to his or her environment? Hopefully I'll be able to find the article. If you find it, please let me know.

leisure

Normally I hate writing about the events in my life. However, I have had some wonderful wholesome evenings of late. Last night was storytime at Left Behind Books with David Sedaris. He read some new stories, one unpublished and one published in last week's New Yorker. Of course, my favorite part tends toward the audience's questions when you really get to see the speaker at his or her most dynamic (or insufferable, I suppose). Definitely could see that his sense of humor was genuine.

Tonight, three of us went to the church dinner and eucharist for grad students/young professionals. Paster John conducted an evening service with a shortened service. Following the eucharist (which we administered to each other), we had dinner and then concluded the service. The notion of literally mixing the communion and fellowship with God and each other was not novel, but certainly appealing after a long day of work.

I think that these activities keep me sane and keep me focused. I've often asked myself what the good life is. The answers in freshman IPHS and the surrounding discussion of the philosopher-king never appealed to me. Nor do I care for the picture of lounging and eating all day. No, I prefer to work hard doing the day on something that I genuinely enjoy and then go home and indulge the other side of me, the cultural earnest Midwestern Lutheran who loves baseball and a good Ian McEwan or Michael Chabon book. Here in St. Louis it's hard sometimes to find others who desperately love the non-science as much as they love the science. Yet for me, the privilege and the ability to embrace both sides of the coin whole-heartedly is redeeming.

Because oooh, HP and the HBP comes out on July 16th!

Credit on demand

I was reading an article on the rise of selling personal identification information on the black market. Ironically, an advertisement for Visa credit cards was playing in the column next to the article. Hardly comforting.

crossroads

I know that I work hard, and lately, I've been wondering for what it is that I work. I'm at the point in my life where I need to apply for something following my charming four years in the OH countryside. I've looked at dual degree programs in order to do cancer research for awhile now, and suddenly I wonder whether I can just walk away from that. Even though gastric cancer is the 14th leading cause of death in the world and its major risk factor, Heliobacter pylori, infect 30-50% of the US population and 70-90% in third-world nations, the research that surrounds this gram-negative bacteria is worlds removed from everyday life. Can or should a person justify a lifetime spent examining pathways that unlock the mysteries of the mind when Swaziland has an HIV infection rate over 40%? Where should duty lie?

I participated in a v. good retreat during my freshman year, and ever since, I feel the need to constantly ask myself whether I place my ambition over my own happiness? I have been blessed with some amazing opportunities, and it only seems natural that I don't want to disappoint those who have helped me get there. Perhaps I am plagued with self-doubt that I will make the wrong decision. I've been told that I can do anything that I want to do, and the older I get, the more I appreciate the responsibility and untruth in that statement. I feel compelled to help in ways other than donating my twenty bucks for Race for the Cure. The rub lies in the manner to do so.

Mukhtaran Bibi

An amazing, continuing story about Mukhtaran Bibi that needs support from all people. Information is by no means limited to this blog.

1/50,000

Participated in the Race for the Cure. St. Louis has the second largest race in the nation, so it was incredible to be part of 50,000+ people, running/walking around the city blocks. Transportation inevitably was a bottleneck. Three of us managed to catch the fifth train that passed, though two members of the group had to wait for a sixth train. Not for lack of trying, might I add. Yet my memories of participating in the race in MN before consists of the throngs of people. This race was no exception. Cheers erupted as the P.A. system announced the countdown to start. Running with so many people did consist of zigzagging, looking for openings between small groups. On one hand, it was much like playing follow the leader through the streets. Part of the appeal was running along the riverfront, past the Arch. Yes, the large concrete wall is ugly, but as a flood wall, it is rather important. At the end, it was fun to see how many businesses were supportive of the event. Breakfast foods from Yoplait and Panera were just a couple of the businesses, though many were handing out goody bags. Handing out pink roses to survivors who completed the race was an excellent idea. All shades of pink were well represented this morning between shirts, hair, bags, signs, etc. Great way to spend a Saturday morning.