The ability to wear a short skirt and to be a scientist are completely unrelated.

Usually I skip Maureen Dowd's articles, finding them too brassy and immoderate for me. However, her article on the modern working girl has a point (only until page 3 out of 7 pages). Dowd notes that:

----
"Feminists in the 70's went overboard," Anne Schroeder, a 26-year-old magazine editor in Washington, agrees. "Paying is like opening a car door. It's nice. I appreciate it. But he doesn't have to."

Unless he wants another date.

Women in their 20's think old-school feminists looked for equality in all the wrong places, that instead of fighting battles about whether women should pay for dinner or wear padded bras they should have focused only on big economic issues.

After Googling and Bikramming to get ready for a first dinner date, a modern girl will end the evening with the Offering, an insincere bid to help pay the check. "They make like they are heading into their bag after a meal, but it is a dodge," Marc Santora, a 30-year-old Metro reporter for The Times, says. "They know you will stop them before a credit card can be drawn. If you don't, they hold it against you."

One of my girlfriends, a TV producer in New York, told me much the same thing: "If you offer, and they accept, then it's over."
------

Yes, most girls aren't the strident feminists of their mothers' generation. The question isn't always "Why not?" but "How is it different?" I admit that I've gotten accused of setting women back 50 years, by preferring to ask a guy to walk me home at night over a group of girls. I ask guys to lift heavy boxes or a fridge for me whenever possible. Making people feel important is classy and attractive. However, I wouldn't consider myself weaker in the process. I simply recognize my own limitations. Just because I would rather have a guy lift a heavy box for me doesn't mean that I expect him to make more money than me. Or even that I want him to do so.

Two years ago, at least two of my friends admitted that they want to stay at home and raise kids. I was awestruck at this since I've always been of the notion that one day I will morph into Superwoman, able to have a model family, a husband who can cook, clean, and have carpentry skills equal to that of my father, and a prolific career that at least requires a cell phone or a pager. I'm more realistic now. Two out of the three for both my husband and myself is still a passing grade. For my friends, I realize that this is probably a happier choice and at the very least, equally fulfilling.

if I can make it here,

then I can make it anywhere. It's up to you, New York, New York.

Yep, back from Manhattan. Not that I saw anything save for the area from 66th to 71st Avenue. Turned out to be a huge blur. Here is what I remember/learned:

1. The fact that I went to South Africa automatically means that I want to study HIV for my Ph.D. or conduct clinical research. Glad someone else knows my mind better than I do.

2. I met a girl who can quote people from Student Doctor Network. [Yes, Mai, if you are reading this, I found this amusing as well.]

3. Med school/grad school Halloween parties are similar to fraternity parties without the Greek letters and less cheap beer and more cheap vodka.

4. Best costume: person with geometric pyramid faces (without the point) surrounding his waist. Tiny spikes protuded from each of these faces with a stuffed chicken hanging in the front. [Note that the spikes were actually pipet tips.] We guessed chicken pox. Answer: avian flu virus H5N1.

(groan)

5. The Empire State Building looks pretty amazing at night.

the allstu

Highly amused at what comes across as an allstu. Someone (not me) accidentally sent out an email with the debate club's password listed. Goes without saying that the mistake was remedied within 5 minutes.

The British debate has already turned into a comedy of errors. Wish I could see the final product on Thursday night....

Care Bear Power

I now have a Care Bear blanket, thanks to Dawn and Kar. I also have a get-well card with the words Arabidopsos thaliana, Drosophila melanogaster, Manduca sexta, distillation, and cheese. Cheese, right next to the chemical structure of vitamin C.

Only the addition of the word "entropy" tops that.

Where you lead, I will follow

Since the school year has begun, I have done a lot of thinking about what I do and why I do it. Invariably, student government is inherently limited and I have less time than ever before to volunteer. Perhaps it is too cliche to say that I seek to make a difference in the world. This morning I found a couple of quotations that seem to resonate.

"A leader is best when people barely know that he exists, less good when they obey and acclaim him, worse when they fear and despise him. Fail to honor people and they fail to honor you. But of a good leader, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say, We did this ourselves."
--Lao Tzu--

Some say that my teaching is nonsense.
Others call it lofty but impractical.
But to those who have looked inside themselves,
this nonsense makes perfect sense.
And to those who put it into practice,
this loftiness has roots that go deep.

I have just three things to teach:
simplicity, patience, compassion.
Simple in actions and thoughts,
you return to the source of being.
Patient with both friends an enemeies,
you accord with the way things are.
Compassionate toward yourself,
You reconcile all being in the world.
--Lao Tzu--

How would other philosophers answer? Plato? Machiavelli? Is one right or are there pieces that we can extract from their writings? Sometimes I regret that I do not have more of a background in these writers.

I cannot remember who was talking about being both idealistic and cynical these days. Perhaps I would characterize myself as idealistic and realistic. I do not seek recognition but yet I wish to be acknowledged for my hard work. While I believe that "Everyone can be great because everyone can serve" (Martin Luther King), is it possible that being "great" is the same for everyone? This idea was dicussed in my English class last year in reference to Dante. Lovely circles in Paradise. Everyone can serve, whether it is community or individual-driven. Yet is is a matter of perspective or opportunity? How can we ensure that everyone has an equal opportunity to reach their potential?

Lately I have also been drawn to classical music. Lab, writing, or relaxing in my room. Beethoven. Chopin. Mahler. Mozart. It is a solitary escape, I do admit.

Old-fashioned science

Although I usually enjoy serving as a molecular biology teaching assistant, a week of running around with phylogenetic trees and gene clean preps makes me whether I am cut out to teach science. A professor said today that graduate school (i.e. PhD track) teaches one to conduct research and then one enters teaching with little or no training. Sink or swim.

The topic of science education is hot right now. In today's NY Times, Thomas Friedman notes how the US, in an increasingly global society, lags behind Germany, China, and Japan in the number of undergraduate degrees award in science and engineering. His suggested initiatives include increased federal grant money to young researchers as well as merit scholarships to those who specifically enter science and math education at the high school level, pouring more money into basic science research (and especially for young researchers).

All of this comes from a global standpoint. Good in theory, hard in practice. What is likely more urgent is how science is taught in these high school classroom and not just who or how many teach science. The National Academies Press recently released a report to this effect. How undergraduates don't have the background to teach science and how the curricula isn't focused on gaining an appreciation of science as a discipline. The recommendations to link the scientific method/problem-based learning with textbook concepts reminded me of the stories that I heard from a Kenyon alumnus who taught science for Teach for America.

Medical ethics and third world countries

An interesting editorial in Science by a doctor in Mali.

news of the day

Who says chemistry can't be "sexy?" U of MN scientists believe that sex pheromes can be used as a migratory attractant and when artificially synthesized, can be used to trap lampreys in the Great Lakes.

Oh, and my nerdy interest in science resurfaces. The scientists who originally studied H. pylori just won this year's Nobel Prize. H. pylori contributes to stomach ulcers by inducing inflammation and attracting interleuking and other pro-inflammatory markers to the lumen of the stomach.

Back from Iowa

This weekend, I accompanied the Hunsen lab to a carbohydrate symposium held in Toledo. Somehow my mom heard about it third-hand and thought that we were driving to Iowa. We did end up whizzing past a "Welcome to Michigan" sign after I forgot to tell Kelly which freeway exit to take. Sometimes I forget how cheerful the state signs appear.

We arrived at the hotel unscathed. It's great that Kenyon students get to know their professors well, but I think that I would have little to say if I actually shared a hotel room with one of mine. Or I would remain relatively disconcerted for the trip.

The symposium was interesting. I know little about organic chemistry synthesis, but I enjoyed getting a taste of the field. It is cliche to say that you learn something new everyday. However, I did learn that I will not devote my life to worrying about ppm shifts on the NMR spectra.

Chris, Dave, Kelly, and I did exhibit our bias as liberal arts students as we read U of Toledo's student newspaper. A useless education:

"I'm a biology major, and to be honest, I absolutely love and adore my biology and science classes.... However, on top of those classes, I have to take literature courses, multicultural courses, foreign language courses, humanities and social science courses.... These classes can be interesting and fun, but when it all boils down, how much will they help me in my career?

The way I see it, every hour I spend studying Latin is one less hour I'll be studying for biology.... Some people argue we take these courses to be enriched or well-rounded individuals.

I'm under the impression that it's just a money making scheme...."

That and the yuppie-left article. Ah, student newspapers.

On the way home, I remembered why Kelly and I take crazy road trips across the Midwest. Imagine driving on country highways. Golden-colored cornfields line the road and the truck in front of you is going at a wholesome pace: 50 mph. The truck is also large enough to interfere with your radio signal, thereby allowing karoake to bad pop music (as that and country music get reception) to be interrupted. Of course Lee Greenwood's "I'm proud to be an American" comes on the radio.

Now, I'm back on campus and enjoying peace and quiet. Maybe a movie, Harry Potter, or sleep.

Newscope

I love it when people send "anonymous" emails from their Kenyon account.

Dear Newscope, I am a long time reader of your publication and I do find it very helpful, but I do have a concern. Is it really necessary to print in every issue that MiddleGround is open from 8:00am-12:00am? This seems like something that would be useful at the beginning of the year but after a while it seems like a huge waste of ink since you guys print like 50 copies of the Newscope every time you put out a new one. Maybe if you could explain your reasoning for doing so I would be more understanding but it just seems unnessecary.

Sincerely, A Newscope reader.
-------------------------------

Hmmm, considering the salary that both Alycia and I draw, I think that the costs of paper and labor far outweigh the costs of ink. I would point to space and aesthetic considerations, but not ink.

Also, I'm confused. Why does my devoted reader to "be more understanding?"

KB Squared-- the inside scoop

What possessed me to reduce my relationship to Karly to a world shared by others? Three recent examples:

1. Writing about her in essays. For example, "My identical twin and I fueled each other’s desire to compete as individuals but serve as members of a greater community."

Note: this has also meant discussing this content to OTHER PEOPLE, viz. professors. This has also meant that details of our lives have gone public. Apparently, we share the trait of making our personal statement not personal enough....

2. Watching how we speak when others are around. Apparently, twin speak is classified as a foreign language to some.

3. Agreeing to be on an admissions panel in a few weeks to discuss having a sibling on campus. Both of us are inexplicably on this panel, so it will be like cross-talk on cnn. a "discussion" with 20-20 hindsight.

borders of our lives

I've slacked off quite a bit these last few days. It's produced the odd situation where I have seen few people multiple times but many people a few times. Conversation topics? Anything from life back on the hill to Teach for America to the movie "Sideways."

Interesting sidenote (a la Gilbert or B2): Sideways was directed by Alexander Payne, who also directed "Election." Election was the first movie that I actually had to stop watching because I couldn't stand it anymore. Also of note: A favorite book of mine, "A Separate Peace," is read aloud in "Sideways."

Last night I found myself asking "Why do I read?" I write too many personal statements these days to believe that this can be answered. Sincerity, if included in the first draft, could be edited for the sake of brevity. [There's a good Michael Chabon quote at the end of Wonder Boys about reading through pages looking for the parts that sound true.]

So, I read in order to relax, to learn about the world, to learn how others perceive the world.

Revision: I read in order to escape. I read to forget other responsibilities or that I even have responsibilities to a particular class. I read to live vicariously and forget who I am. And then I read because my obsession kicks in and I can't think about anything else but that fabulous, gripping book. Which is something that my beloved vanilla coke cannot provide.

New blog

Interesting blog. When I get the chance, I will try to post it in the links section. For all those interested in international health care.

http://effectmeasure.blogspot.com/

memo that

I don't think that I will ever understand the internet or how search engines work. Just read an email that told me to do a search on google for the word "failure." The results? The belief that politics are everywhere.

Speaking of politics, I started reading a biography of Queen Elizabeth I, by J.E. Neale. A fascinating read. My other current read is "Curious Incident of a Dog in the Nighttime," by Mark Haldon. One of those books that I've been meaning to read for a year and only now reading. Would have finished it by now if I actually picked it up each day before 1am....

Conversations

Yes, I really do have a child-sized foot. I can't help it. However, I do think that I know how to buy shoes so that they aren't too small or too large. Last night, I went to visit some "friends" and one girl told me that my foot is not that small. I should really be wearing women-sized shoes because my foot was not that much smaller than hers. Perhaps I just wear shoes that are too small for me and have been doing so since fourth grade. Go figure.

On another note, here is an article for potential new authors:.

I also decided to write a book oene day. Humorous accounts of being a twin. Earlier this week, someone told me that I could be a soap opera. Public affairs writing is that cheesy. Friend said that we are like a schizophrenic. First one talk, then the other. But it sounds like the same person. Not so, but funny nonetheless.

Tale of two moods

Thursday: I had an absolutely amazing day on Thursday. I don't know why, but I loved it. I had 3.5 hours of sleep the previous night, but I couldn't do anything to stop smiling. I had this tremendous bounce in my step, and nothing could deter my good mood. Nothing spectacular or even memorable occurred, but the entire day was great. I split the entire day between my lab work and TA'ing and then band. However, it was just one of those amazing days in which I want to dance down Middle Path. Life for no explicable reason was just that good.

Saturday: I went running this morning, which is not good in itself. I run in order to be fit or to clear my head. Approximately three miles of pavement and the sound of the wind. I needed to run away from my planner and the thousands of meetings and labs. I needed to run away from the applications yet undone. Above all, I needed time away from Kenyon. SIPS last night was great, but not enough. Right now, I just see too much drama, where everyone hears only half of the story (especially when it involves the opposite sex) and then when you do hear the other half, you just end up hurt. Really hurt. Basically, I'm at the point where two friends are causing me more stress than the rest of my crazy life put together. Everyone is acting like twelve years old and no one is being truthful. I fee like I'm the excuse for someone's else's insecurities, and I haven't even seen the players in days. Which is why I'm in hiding and trying to figure out where to go for October Break. This campus is too small and enclosed right now.

Random news

Classes started this week. While I'm not going to think about the loads of work and my home away from home, I should share amusing stories.

Every as a little kid asks "why is water blue?" Adults can explain that lakes and rivers are not really blue; merely their coloring is the reflection of the sky. This leads to the inevitable question, "why is the sky blue?"

Now I demonstrate my nerdy side, minus the nerdy glasses. Reading my instrumental analysis book, I can now say that the sky is blue as a result of the Rayleigh scattering. Shorter wavelengths from the sun's radiation scatter when they reach the atmospheric medium. As these shorter wavelengths are in the visible region, we see the scattered waves in the sky as blue. Thus, a blue sky.

Tonight the power went off across Gambier, just before 9pm. Little surprise that I was reading my textbook and working on the computer. To make a long story short, Prof. Lutton loaned four of us students his flashlight and a propane lamp. The four of us dragged a table and chairs out of a lounge and sat and studied by the light of an emergency light and the propane lamp.

As this is Kenyon, a couple friends came by and tried to argue that since power was out, it was a good excuse as any to start drinking. Somehow the excuse that it was early in the night sounded quite lame. I stuck with my coffee and milk and biology textbook.

To end the excitement, the lights came back on around 11pm. It was a bit humorous to hide matches and the propane lamp in the biochemistry lab. Kelly didn't want to set off the smoke detectors either in the restroom and was in a momentary panic.

Enough talk now. Time to read about the principles of democracy.

Sex, drugs, and rock and roll

In some ways, I guess that you could say that I'm sexually frustrated. Everywhere I look, someone is talking about sex. I'm overwhelmed and frankly, a little tired of the topic. Just because I'm naive doesn't necessarily mean that I want or need to know the ins and outs of the 1000 ways to copulate. Preferably, my mind needs to be out of the gutter at the moment. Just too many voices speaking about it. Conversations with friends at Kenyon, a cabaret, and even the NY Times. Well, sort of.

In general, too much information. Way too many details.

Think I will go and improve my physical chemistry. Of the math variety.

Desiderata

Karly is on page 6 out of 60, so I will post the poem she wanted:

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others,
even to the dull and ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrman, 1927

a new Kenyon tradition

I've become a flagbearer for life. Walking through the faculty on Middle Path next May will be the sixth time that I have walked through them. Three convocations and two commencements thus far.

In a way, I'm sad. A professor told me this year that the procession is not merely about tradition but also about the individual quirks that make each march unique. Three of flag processions have paired me with Kar. I admit that there's something humorous about a pair of identical twins leading the faculty. The flags are twice our height. I once caught the American flag on a tree branch. I've learned to wear a miniskirt under the robes and to look backwards and watch for the professory emeritus of physics.

I've had many conversations with senior faculty with whom I have never had class. Today Mr. Lentz and I discussed Cahokia. In a way, I really do love this tradition. Carrying the flag is an honor and one of my favorite oddball traditions on a campus, superstitutious for the 8th floor Caples and the unsanitary post at the Gates of Hell.

Today was great.