thoughts on a snowy evening

Recently I have been struck by one of K's favorite quotes from J.R. Tolkein: "All that glitters is not gold; not all that wander are lost." Watching television tonight, I was appalled at the thin actresses who cry after putting on a fat suit (they wanted to "empathize" with those who are overweight). And this is what entertains America? I browsed through the New Yorker and read an editorial/article asking what kind of values are Americans setting up for themeselves? Menand has an interesting point in that

"We are ourselves products of the culture whose products we consume, and we can't help taking it, for the most part, on its own terms."

The social constructs which we create are immensely powerful. Menand referred to literary prizes as valuable only in the recognition that society bestows upon the award. K just wrote about the consumerism craziness that overtakes all good sense during the holiday season. Tolkein may be right in that some who wander are not lost, but right now, society is a bit lost.

The Economist has a thought-provoking article on the differences between the poor in Appalachia and those in the Congo. What is happiness and what is not happiness is a matter of opinion. Yet if happiness is universal, then is it merely the emotion that is shared? Happiness economists would suggest that the level of one's happiness is relative to the level of material goods of others around one's self. Moreover, when "an individual who becomes richer becomes happier; but when society as a whole grows richer, nobody seems any more content (7 Aug 2005, The Economist).

Perhaps the American dream fits both sides. Its retains the flavor that a better life is just over the horizon but that this "good life" is attainable. F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote in Majesty (short story):

The extraordinary thing is not that people in a lifetime turn out worse or better than we had prophesied; particularly in America that is to be expected. The extraordinary thing is how people keep their levels, fulfill their promises, seem actually buoyed up by an inevitable destiny.

It may be that a new year is approaching or that I realize that the year will bring many changes to my life. I have not been this content for a long while. A good friend of mine once said that when you're not looking for it, what you want will happen. Now I've paraphrased this generously and it was originally referrring to relationships, but I think he's right (as he often is).

Happy New Year's.

so this is Christmas

It's easy to say that Christmas (for those who celebrate it) is over-commercialized. Each year, K and I venture into the four shopping malls that permeate our lives in the hope of bestowing some measure of happiness to those on the receiving end. We practically learned how to drive years ago when we would do our December shopping on the weekends. Then, as now, I find the process overwhelming. No one seems happy when they shop at these times of year since no one either has the time or can find the perfect gift. I mean, is the special edition of Office Space or boxed set of eight different fragrances from Victoria's Secret going to change the life of the average middle class American?

I like to think that, in the vein of Charlie Brown, that it is the spirit of Christmas that counts. Certainly, there are moments on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day when I believe this to be true. Glancing at the parking lot of Target is not one of them.

For many, Christmas is a huge expense. In 2004, sales grew by 6.7 percent. This year, according to the Washington Post,

The NRF has been among the most bullish, forecasting sales growth of 6
percent, to $439.53 billion. Other groups, like the International Council of
Shopping Centers, expect a more modest increase of 3 percent to 3.5
percent.

[To put it into perspective, the The International AIDS Vaccines Initiative estimates that the total annual spending on an AIDS vaccine is $682 million.]

Maybe it's good that Christmas comes but once per year.

Life as we know it

Life is changing a bit too quickly these days. Coming back from San Francisco, I had a layover in Vegas and tried my first slot machines. For $3, I could occupy my 20 minutes before boarding a plane. Apparently, slot machines are made for right-handed people and take less skill (but about as much luck) as I anticipated. Also, the lights and pyramids and glitter of the hotel-casino complexes are astounding from an airplane.

Perhaps more importantly, while hovering over Vegas, I realized that I probably won't be in the Midwest next year. I'm looking at six cities, only one of them being in the Midwest. Tis a bit scary, to be flying around the country and never having the chance to explore a city in which I may be living next year.

San Francisco reminds me of Cape Town for some reason.

High society

The fact that I'm back from Philly means that I'm over halfway done with my tour of the major US cities and also not any closer to a decision. However, I will say that I have started to have a clearer picture as to what I want and need for the future.

The highlight of this trip was of course, the New York Philharmonic, featuring the pianist Andre Watts. What I love about music was exemplified in the technical splendor of Watts on Saint Saens or the divine, exposed lonely notes in "Prelude and Liebestod from Tristan and Isolde."

Alerted by the AJOB blog to an opinion article on HIV testing in the New England Journal of Medicine. The World Health Organization lists voluntary counseling and HIV testing (VCT) as a “crucial entry point into the care and treatment programmes” (WHO 2001). VCT is considered an integral part of HIV prevention or treatment program, as it “enables uninfected people to remain so and enable those infected with HIV to plan for the future and prevent HIV transmission to others” (ibid).

The argument in the NEJM article is whether the HIV/AIDS epidemic should be treated as a viral epidemic, subject to the control of standard public health measures, or as a social disease, one in which the social mores and dangers of stigmatism of the individual are of primary concern. Certainly, it would be easier, and perhaps more cost-effective, to monitor the disease in the US with standard notification of partners and track progression of the disease epidemiologically:

"Using the current CDC estimate of 40,000 new HIV infections per year, the potential to prevent half to two thirds of these infections, and the current average lifetime cost of care for a patient with HIV infection of $200,000,²⁹ more effective epidemic control would save between $4 billion and $5.4 billion per year. Widespread availability of condoms, syringe-exchange programs, public health notification of the partners of infected persons, and improvement of case management and monitoring systems would be unlikely to cost more than an additional $1 billion to $2 billion per year nationally — two to three times the current CDC funding for HIV prevention."

The authors argue that in an age of openness and multiple anti-retroviral drugs, that it's a travesty that 2/3 of those with newly identified HIV-positive serostatuses do not inform their partners. I agree with that assessment. However, the problem of partner notification is the question whether proclaiming one's status is considered as socially acceptable as the researchers. If it is socially acceptable, then HIV testing and prevention methods (condom distribution, decrease in number of partners, careful monitoring of existing viral load) is working. In that case, HIV might well be managed as a chronic disease. However, if it is not, then the stigma attached to HIV (and even to STI's in general)

The downside is that routine notification of partners may have an adverse effect on the utilization of health care services. Could knowing that one's partner would be notified translate into a lack of willingness to access health services?

Tradition

David Cameron, age 39, has been been given a mandate by the Conservative Party in Britain to lead them back to Downing Street. Having the "energy of youth" and the willingness to talk about the issues (such as the environment) that the Tories previously have avoided is a huge start. Interestingly, he appears more open to Blair's social policies, just as Blair embraced some of Margaret Thatcher's economic policies.

Commentators have been bringing up Cameron's sudden rise to the party's leadership forefront. It will be worthwhile to see how Cameron talks about family values and his position on national security in the coming months. Bill Clinton lead the Democratic Party to victory in the 1990s after promising to inspire greater trust in the government and moving the party to a center position on the ideological spectrum. Tony Blair captured the swing voters in 1997 and brought his party to a "New Labour" stance.

How will a strong Tory leader affect British politics and the "Special Alliance" between the United States and Great Britain? Much of that answer will lie in Cameron, but it will also lie in the future of the Republican Party. Cameron has opportunities on the basis that he is a new leader with a vision of Britain that is unlike that of his predecessor, Michael Howard. Cameron is more willing to work with the current system than to change it completely and does not appear to endorse the reactionary responses seemingly favored by Howard. The 2004 election became more centered on the presidential candidates than the platforms themselves. Who will be the face of the Republican Party after Bush? Who will become the face of the Labour party after Blair? With the parliamentary system in Britain, the governmental party has greater influence over policy than what occurs in the United States. Therefore, the process will be important for the future as well as which leaders the British goverment will be contacting.

Separation

From Arundhati Roy's "The God of Small Things" (p.214-215)

"Promise me you'll always love each other," she'd [the mother Ammu]
say, as she drew her children to her.

"Promise," Estha and Rahel would say. Not finding words with which to tell her that for them there was no Each, no Other.

Sleepless in Sudan

My roommate alerted me to this great blog. Certainly, fans of Kristof's NY Times articles will find it worthwhile.

World AIDS Day

I haven't posted anything on World AIDS Day yet. One year ago was my last day at the Motherwell clinic and to this day, I'm torn over whether the battle against HIV/AIDS is one of hope or one of promises yet unmet. It's tough to see that the rash of articles this year focuses on the failure of goals to be met and the rising tolls of infection and death, even in the wake of the G8 summit this past summer. The 3 x 5 goal will not be met. The goal was to place 3 million on antiretroviral therapy by the end of 2005, but less than 1/3 of that goal will be met. That the new G8 goals is to place all infected individuals on ARVs by the year 2010 thus seems optimistic to the point of being overly naive.

In a BBC articlet:

South African Health Minister Manto Tshabalala-Msimang, who has long been lukewarm over the usefulness of anti-retroviral drugs, refused to back their use.

Many African countries encourage abstinence to avoid infection

In an interview, she said that anti-retrovirals offered no cure, and that she might use food supplements or traditional medicines if she became infected.

One asks (or at least, I ask myself this all-too-frequently), what can be done? On a policy level, certainly dialogue and discourse between the UN, nations, those who implement such policies, and those who receive the benefits/drawbacks of such policies must be examined.

What is perhaps equally important (and just as naively understood) is the active support of the wider first-world community. Kar just wrote about generosity of individuals. However, the wider generosity of individuals (Gates Foundation) vs. nations (US PEPFAR) must play a role as well. The movie "The Girl in the Cafe" was actually commissioned to "celebrate Africa in 2005." It's actually written by Richard Curtis, the same person who did Love Actually, so fans of that movie might celebrate.

Behavior change comes at the level of the individual, but the motivations to push initiatives forward have to come from a larger audience more than once a year.

Generosity

Richard Schulze has given Mayo Clinic an impressive $48.9 million for a cancer treatment, both on the patient and therapy development.

I'm amazed at the generosity at these large donors. Yet I also wonder, who are these people who have such wealth that they are able to afford such a donation. The average American with a bachelor's degree will earn an average of $2.1 million over his or her respective lifetime. Those with a professional degree will earn an average of $4.4 million in lifetime earnings. An average high school graduate earns a paltry $1.2 million in a lifetime today.

A song from the first Shrek soundtrack also comes to mind. The song "Stay Home," speaks about the desire for a simple life and being happy.

" A simple life's my cup of tea
I don't need nobody but me...

...I wanna be a millionaire someday
And know what it feels like to give it away
Watch me march to the beat of my own drum"

It is interesting to think about what the pursuit of material goods and wealth may ultimately bring. The opportunity for a better life of one's children and fewer worries of financial hardships are legitimate reasons for wanting a career with a comfortable income.

Andrew Carnegie once said, "The man who dies rich, dies disgraced." This quotation may be an exaggeration, but it certainly speaks to the idea of accumulated wealth. In 1994, money accounted for a greater proportion of total giving by Americans than Scandinavia, France, or Britain. The article (linked above) suggests that this trend is influenced by tax breaks and other incentives, not found in other countries.

Though this post has become more jumbled than originally intended, I conclude with a few points to ponder:
1. Who is in a position to give?
2. Is it just as valuable to give time as money?
3. How will this rising feeling of philanthropy influence giving within first world and to third world nations?

soaring through the air

It's been a long time since I actually posted. So much has happened that I probably cannot relate everything. As with any senior, the word "future" is like the light at the end of the tunnel. Madison was Madison. Dallas was... well... Texas. DC was incredible. That's a city where I could see myself. Minneapolis was the same as usual. Centuria was as I remembered, though I only saw part of it. Woodbury has become a giant shopping mall. Easton junior. Another Starbucks. Incredible. Disgusting.

Next year I'll be in Galway. Ireland. It will be good for a change. A chance to figure stuff out for another year. Studying, research, travel. I haven't had be I aenough time to process everything but I realize that sometimes I don't want all of the immmediate answers. I'm still idealistic enough that I think I have years to figure things out.

People-watching can be romantic or depressing. Imagining where each family or businessman is traveling. France. Florida. A long-lost cousin. Until you sit by the balding, middle-aged safari guy who carries the camouflage duffel. Headed to Chicago. Wearing a leopard skin jacket.

I am amazed by some of the people that I have met in the last few years. Some people are outstanding and brilliant. Others have taught me a lot. Some aren't as smart as others while others have more hidden talents.

Happy belated Thanksgiving to everyone.

quote of the week

On the Bush administration:

"I had to do something about that anger and I could immerse myself in Scrabble rather than start a revolution."

On Calvin and Hobbes:
His main quality, other than imagination, is enthusiasm. Calvin, as befits his name, is a carefree fatalist.

I'm less of a loser than my sister.

You scored as Popular Bitch.


What type of girl are you?!!
created with QuizFarm.com

Popular Bitch 63%
Nerdy Girl 50%
Preppy Girl 50%
Athletic Tomboy 44%
Hippie 19%
Slut 19%
Loser 13%
Goth 13%

Short skirts in lab and chemistry all around.

Truly an example of how surveys are wrong

You scored as Popular Bitch. Popular Bitch 50% Hippy 44% Athletic Tomboy 44% Nerdy Girl 44% Loser 38% Slut 31% Preppy Girl 25% Goth 19% What type of girl are you?!! created with QuizFarm.com

Action hero

You scored as James Bond, Agent 007.

James Bond is MI6's best agent, a suave, sophisticated super spy with charm, cunning, and a license's to kill. He doesn't care about rules or regulations and somewhat amoral. He does care about saving humanity though, as well as the beautiful women who fill his world. Bond has expensive tastes, a wide knowledge of many subjects, and his usually armed with a clever gadget and an appropriate one-liner.

James Bond, Agent 007 83%

The Amazing Spider-Man 71%
Maximus 67%
Captain Jack Sparrow 58%
Indiana Jones 58%
Lara Croft 58%
Neo, the "One" 54%
El Zorro 50%
Batman, the Dark Knight 42%
The Terminator 42%
William Wallace 33%

And so it is. Fortunately, I'm the charmer with a bit of a nerdy streak in me and am ready to save the world. Just in time for a martini- shaken not stirred.

p-chem test break

You scored as James Bond, Agent 007.


Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0
created with QuizFarm.com

James Bond is MI6's best agent, a suave, sophisticated super spy with charm, cunning, and a license's to kill. He doesn't care about rules or regulations and somewhat amoral. He does care about saving humanity though, as well as the beautiful women who fill his world. Bond has expensive tastes, a wide knowledge of many subjects, and his usually armed with a clever gadget and an appropriate one-liner.

James Bond, Agent 007 83%
Maximus 79%
Indiana Jones 79%
Captain Jack Sparrow 71%
The Amazing Spider-Man 71%
Lara Croft 63%
Batman, the Dark Knight 58%
William Wallace 54%
El Zorro 46%
Neo, the "One" 42%
The Terminator 25%

I guess that I'm a sophisticated, charming, intelligent flirt.

cream rising to the top

I realized somewhere along Hwy 62, I take much more for granted now than I ever did as a freshman. More in terms of my abilities and what I expect a meritocratic world to hold for myself and for others. To this end, I've had different versions of "merit" floating around in my head lately. Deborah Stone, the visiting professor, pointed out an interesting book review by David Brooks this past week. Brooks states that college admissions are stacking the deck in favor of those who are most like them:

In 1952, more than 37 percent of Harvard freshmen had fathers who had not attended college. By 1996, less than 11 percent did. In 1954, 10 percent of Harvard freshmen had fathers who worked at blue-collar jobs. Forty-two years later, only 5 percent did.

In 1996, only about 3 percent of the American labor force was in one of the highly credentialed professional occupations (doctor, lawyer, professor), but nearly a third of Harvard freshmen that year were children of such professionals.

With the traveling and schmoozing that I've done lately, I can see how that is the case. I've come across some fabulously brilliant people with backgrounds that are both amazing and slightly frightening. People are always surprised that there are no doctors in my family, only teachers (as if that means that teachers aren't ultimately more influential). However, Brooks' case is frightening with its suggestion that a culture difference is widening due to a combined effort of societal and cultural pressures.

the circuit gets smaller.

Spending one's first night as a 22 year old in a five star hotel isn't so bad. Ordering New York Strip steak (medium rare) also eases the pain as well. However, nothing can compensate for the fact that Kar and I had gotten up at 4 am in order to leave for the airport at 4:45 am. Needless to say, I was a walking zombie with a cold. Notwithstanding, since I arrived in STL so early, I did get to visit my lab for two hours and visit a friend from two summers ago. Still fabulous as ever.

Oh, and the temperature was a balmy 75 degrees.

As for my actual purpose of being in St. Louis, not much can be said. Maybe one day Kar and I will co-author the definitive guide to leading a double life.

The ability to wear a short skirt and to be a scientist are completely unrelated.

Usually I skip Maureen Dowd's articles, finding them too brassy and immoderate for me. However, her article on the modern working girl has a point (only until page 3 out of 7 pages). Dowd notes that:

----
"Feminists in the 70's went overboard," Anne Schroeder, a 26-year-old magazine editor in Washington, agrees. "Paying is like opening a car door. It's nice. I appreciate it. But he doesn't have to."

Unless he wants another date.

Women in their 20's think old-school feminists looked for equality in all the wrong places, that instead of fighting battles about whether women should pay for dinner or wear padded bras they should have focused only on big economic issues.

After Googling and Bikramming to get ready for a first dinner date, a modern girl will end the evening with the Offering, an insincere bid to help pay the check. "They make like they are heading into their bag after a meal, but it is a dodge," Marc Santora, a 30-year-old Metro reporter for The Times, says. "They know you will stop them before a credit card can be drawn. If you don't, they hold it against you."

One of my girlfriends, a TV producer in New York, told me much the same thing: "If you offer, and they accept, then it's over."
------

Yes, most girls aren't the strident feminists of their mothers' generation. The question isn't always "Why not?" but "How is it different?" I admit that I've gotten accused of setting women back 50 years, by preferring to ask a guy to walk me home at night over a group of girls. I ask guys to lift heavy boxes or a fridge for me whenever possible. Making people feel important is classy and attractive. However, I wouldn't consider myself weaker in the process. I simply recognize my own limitations. Just because I would rather have a guy lift a heavy box for me doesn't mean that I expect him to make more money than me. Or even that I want him to do so.

Two years ago, at least two of my friends admitted that they want to stay at home and raise kids. I was awestruck at this since I've always been of the notion that one day I will morph into Superwoman, able to have a model family, a husband who can cook, clean, and have carpentry skills equal to that of my father, and a prolific career that at least requires a cell phone or a pager. I'm more realistic now. Two out of the three for both my husband and myself is still a passing grade. For my friends, I realize that this is probably a happier choice and at the very least, equally fulfilling.

if I can make it here,

then I can make it anywhere. It's up to you, New York, New York.

Yep, back from Manhattan. Not that I saw anything save for the area from 66th to 71st Avenue. Turned out to be a huge blur. Here is what I remember/learned:

1. The fact that I went to South Africa automatically means that I want to study HIV for my Ph.D. or conduct clinical research. Glad someone else knows my mind better than I do.

2. I met a girl who can quote people from Student Doctor Network. [Yes, Mai, if you are reading this, I found this amusing as well.]

3. Med school/grad school Halloween parties are similar to fraternity parties without the Greek letters and less cheap beer and more cheap vodka.

4. Best costume: person with geometric pyramid faces (without the point) surrounding his waist. Tiny spikes protuded from each of these faces with a stuffed chicken hanging in the front. [Note that the spikes were actually pipet tips.] We guessed chicken pox. Answer: avian flu virus H5N1.

(groan)

5. The Empire State Building looks pretty amazing at night.